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Facing rejection, notably when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is saying no, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with rejection. I commenced proposing articles five decades ago, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless pieces. Over the past two decades, concentrating on personal essays, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I face a setback every few days—amounting to over 100 annually. Cumulatively, denials throughout my life run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, is this a complaining tirade? Not at all. As, at last, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: At this point, nearly everyone and others has rejected me. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—doing so would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces consecutively before approving one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a nonfiction book proposal. One editor suggested that I send my work less frequently.

My Phases of Setback

When I was younger, each denial stung. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my work was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. What went wrong? Why would these people be overlook my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the mistake? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably mixed with delusion). What does it require you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

So it went over many years.

Notable Precedents

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of writers whose books was initially turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then possibly I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his school team. Most American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and keep moving, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, when I entered my later years, I entered the seventh stage of setback. Understanding. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. Firstly, an publisher may have recently run a similar piece, or be planning one underway, or be considering that idea for a different writer.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and read my piece hastily to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many rationales for rejection are always out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have achieved recognized. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have been published in publications large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for 50 years.

Yet, no major hits, no author events at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can better accept no at my age, because my, small successes have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be helpful, but provided that you listen to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I gained?

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